I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
