Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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