My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
