Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Are we still banned from the library?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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