all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I FOUND THE LEGS
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
