I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
