R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize