i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
