I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
