so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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