her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
