then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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