Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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