and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
