it was like his penis was on wheels.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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