Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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