we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
