glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
it's great music for shaving your balls
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
