THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
