I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
