I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
