You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
