Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
