ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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