he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I enjoy the company of your penis
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
