a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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