I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
