i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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