So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
