When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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