i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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