she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
