Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
