Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wish i was in the wii world.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize