google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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