i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
