Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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