when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize