Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
