dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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