I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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