I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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