I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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