your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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