just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
