I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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