pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
