I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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