I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
