I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I want her autograph on my taint
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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