I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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