You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
