god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
ttyl tear gas
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
