I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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