I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
