clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
