I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
