i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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