You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
