I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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