Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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