that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
