you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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