i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
