Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
