I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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