Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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