I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
