While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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