I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
