I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
