Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
