This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
