Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
