The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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