Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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