i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
