So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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