I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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