You're so nebulous sometimes
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
