does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
