I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
