Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
either way he was missing a nipple.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
