plz talk dirty to me
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
