I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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