Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
