So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
