wat bout pragnant strippers??
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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