Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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