I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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