So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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