I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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