I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize