My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
