I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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