remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
