What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
