i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
