bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
