so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize