I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
