If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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