I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
