My first STD was from a foam party
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
