Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
