I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
