Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
