nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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