Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
