the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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