The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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