did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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