I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
