just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
accomplished twins. life is a go
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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