Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
