But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize