I don't remember. Are we still dating?
do herpes really smell.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
