I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
do nipples grow back?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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